Mary's Journey

ML has had a very rough couple of weeks.  She continues to have breathing problems but it was a lot worse.  She was put in ICU on Christmas Eve because her Oxygen Saturation levels were not stable at all.  She needed increasingly higher concentrations of oxygen.  The doctors started her on chemo and antibiotics because they weren't sure what was causing the oxygen exchange problems.  It turns out they guessed right.  Christmas Day, she was showing marked improvement.  I think the power of prayer had something to do with that.

The doctors weren't even sure if ML would leave the hospital and now 1 week later they are saying she may be able to go home Friday, two weeks after she was admitted.  She will go home with oxygen, but the fact that she is stable enough and is on low enough concentration to survive at home is a miracle.

A New Journey

Dr. Kolstad suggested that I try bicycling as part of my activity program.  Today Mark and I bought new bikes.  We rode for about 20 minutes - 3.4 miles as a start.  Dr. Kolstad even suggested that I consider the MS 150.  Since BP sponsors a team, it is something to consider.  I'm going to check it out.

Good News

I did have a little good news today.  I have officially lost 75 pounds on my weight loss journey.  It has taken me 3 months to lose the last 5 pounds, but I have done it.  Now the question is will it still be off in 2 weeks when I go back to work and weigh in again the next time.

Even More Scared

ML has been in the hospital all weekend because her O2 levels were low.  She seemed to be doing better after being hospitalized and put on oxygen.  David said tonight they had to double the flow to 6 liters.  She has had a bunch of tests and have ruled out the obvious - pneumonia, growing lesions, blood clots.  They are talking about doing a lung biopsy tomorrow.  That's what is sounding so scary.

Poor Audrey is probably not going to have much of a Christmas this year.  Fortunately, she is probably at a young enough age that she will have fun whatever happens.  Dan and Jean have offered to take her and do the Santa thing for her.  Poor ML and David to be going through this right at Christmastime.  It's bad enough that they are having to go through this, but to have to go through this at Christmas must be doubly hard.  I just hope this isn't ML's last Christmas.

I'm Scared

Talking to ML last night scared me.  The steroids have caused her breathing problems - she gets out of breath easily.  She sounded really weak last night.  The radiation has caused her blood counts to be really low.  Because of the low white blood count, the doctor doesn't want her traveling.  ML offered to have us for Christmas, but I could tell her heart wasn't really in it.  I just kept having the feeling that this is a premonition of things to come soon.

We decided after much discussion between Mom, David, Kathy and myself that we wouldn't go to Atlanta after all.  I'm really sorry that we won't see ML, David and Audrey, but I don't think we would have enjoyed our visit because ML would not have enjoyed our visit.

A good point - Glenn called Mom and invited us to Marble Falls for Christmas, so at least we have some place to go and celebrate with family and it won't just be Mom, Mark and I.  So at least it will seem like a holiday, although it will not be a typical Christmas for us.

The other thing that scared me is the pain I had in my knee today.  I could hardly walk this morning.  It was as bad if not worse than right before my surgery.  I finally was able to work through it by the time PT was over today, but we had to take it a little easy during PT.  I'm really afraid that my knee isn't ever going to come completely back where I can walk without pain.

The strange thing is one of the engineers at work put out an e-mail encouraging more women to participate in the MS-150.  I had been thinking about getting my bike out of storage and start riding some, but my bike was destroyed in a freak accident last weekend at the storage facility.  So now I don't know - was the e-mail a sign that maybe I should start riding or was the fact my bike was destroyed a sign not to even think about it.  I don't know.  The stationary bike doesn't bother the knee nearly as much as walking, but I really don't know if the rest of my body can take it, especially the backside.

Two Good Days

I have had 2 good days of staying OP, getting in exercise, and best of all, I'm back to my pre-Thanksgiving weight.  I'm hoping that next week I will have another loss, which will put me in new territory.  I really would like to be at -75 pounds by the time I go back to work in January.

I have been on the treadmill both yesterday and today.  The knee is slowly coming around.  I'm doing reverse splits, starting out slower and gradually picking up the pace as I go.  The IT band hurts tonight, but it started hurting this afternoon hauling boxes of food around as we were organizing the groceries for our Christmas family.  I have so many bruises along the IT band, I'm not sure what it's supposed to feel like anymore.  The IT band release massage sure has helped, but it's painful and is what is leaving the bruises.

A Day of Sadness and Remembrance

Today has been worse for me today than yesterday.  First I told the bell choir of ML's magic story and almost lost it then, then told it to Harold Travis and almost lost it when talking to him.  But I did lose it during the church service.  Towards the end, the hymn was "O Come All Ye Faithful."  We had brass and tympani along with the choir and congregation.  I don't know if it was just the emotion of the moment or a quick flashback of going to a Candlelight Service with Mom and Dad or what, but all of a sudden I was overcome with emotion.

Also, during church today, I was thinking about Mary and what it would be like with her around and that hasn't helped.

December 13

Today is Daddy's birthday, the first one without him.  I had a bad moment when I was explaining to Mark why I needed to call Mom, but that has been the only really bad time.  Even talking to Mom wasn't that bad.  She is having a hard day though.

Keeping On Going One Step At A Time

I have been walking on the treadmill this week.  The knee is hurting, especially after 20 minutes or so.  At this rate, I will never be able to complete a half marathon, much less a full.  It's almost always on the inside of the kneecap where the pain is.  Therapy is going well, Theresa keeps coming up with new exercises for me.

I know that I shouldn't complain, especially with what ML is going through.  I'm just trying to get active again, the timing being for personal reasons.  But she is literally fighting for her life.  At least I have relatively good health.  A knee is so minor compared to cancer.

We are going to Eddie's tonight, but I doubt I will dance.  I just hope that I can stay OP with about 10 FPs since I haven't really earned any APs today.  I will go do some exercises and that should earn a few.

On the weight loss front, I imploded last weekend and ate totally off plan all weekend.  I was telling Mel and Donna about ML at La Familia last Friday night, and that made me decide to start on the margaritas... two margaritas, chips and queso, and a combination plate.  All weekend was like that - french fries 3 days in a row.  Another 3 pounds came back on this week.  So on Monday, I committed to staying OP for the next 2 weeks.  I'm doing pretty well.  We went to dinner with Adam Wednesday and I did have a few more points than I planned, but I also wasn't planning on having dessert.  But I still have 19 FPs today, so that is good.

One note:  bread is still my downfall.  We go to a restaurant that serves bread, and I'm all over it.  Chips at Mexican food restaurants - I'm there.  It doesn't matter if I eat something right before I go, I want the bread.  I don't know what I'm going to do about that.

Doctor's Clearance

I received clearance today from Dr. Kolstad to resume my walking training.  Also, I'm scheduled for 4 more weeks of therapy.  I'm glad for that because although I did pretty good and continuing the exercise routine at Mary's house, at home it's a lot harder to get everything in.  I was able to get up to 1 mile on the treadmill at Mary's.

Tonight I walked 1.4 miles aroundthe neighborhood, taking each dog around once.  It's good for Buddy as well since he is supposed to be losing weight.

Mary kept complimenting me on my weight loss while we were there.  I wore mostly my new clothes that fit really well, and I felt pretty good about the way I looked.  Tonight at LaCasita, the cashier asked me if I had been losing weight.  It's nice when someone besides family notices.

Unfortunately I was not very good this weekend.  I couldn't stay out of the homemade cookies and the wine supply was plentiful.  I gained a pound and this week won't be any easier.  I will definitely have to stay OP better.

Almost Done With Therapy

Tomorrow is my last day with physical therapy.  I'm up to 20 minutes on the bike and 15 minutes on the treadmill at a time.  I haven't done much this weekend since I went shopping with Mom yesterday and today has rained.  I will go back to Dr. Kolstad next week and I hope that I get clearance to resume serious walking.

I went shopping for clothes yesterday.  My jeans were 18W's.  I tried on both 18's and 20's depending on the brand.  Most of the tops I got were from the Misses section - XL's.  WooHoo!  I haven't lost much weight lately, but the fact that the sizes keep coming down makes it better.

Getting ready for the long drive to Atlanta on Wednesday.  It will be a really long day, but it will be great to see everyone over there.  I can't believe that Audrey will be 4 years old this week.

Therapy

I made progress this week when I was able to start riding the stationary bike.  I'm up to a whopping 15 minutes.  Oh well, it is still progress.  I'm doing more sets with more weight on most of my exercises.

On the weight loss front, I'm is a definite see-saw mode.  I was back up 3 pounds from the whopper 9 pound loss, and I as I snuck on mid-week, the weight just wanted to creep up.  But I weighed in for the annual Weigh To Go program this week.  The challenge is to not to gain more than 2 pounds during the holiday season.  We weigh out in early January.  Last year's challenge was the start of my weight loss since I loss 7-8 pounds during the WTG and I wasn't really dieting, just watching what I ate.

I'm struggling today to watch what I eat because I used all my flex points yesterday.  We were out on a search and I was at the command post all day.  It was so easy to snack even though I did well and stayed out of the doughnuts and sweet rolls.  I did eat Nutty Bars and some real corn chips.  And then last night we went to Black-Eyed Pea for dinner.  The dinner rolls and meat loaf were my downfalls along with the squash casserole for good food broccoli and salad.

Recovery

I am well into the recovery phase of my surgery now.  I had the stitches removed yesterday, returned to work today and started therapy today as well.  I can go for short distances before my knee hurts, it hurts to rise from a seated position, it hurts to stand, it hurts to sit after while.  I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in, yada, yada, yada.  And it is going to take time to heal and to recover and I need to get over it.   But I'm impatient and want to be well NOW!  I just received a newsletter from the training group and I want to be out there so bad, crazy, huh?  Coming from me.

On a good note, I weighed in today and was down 9 pounds over the last couple of weeks.  So I'm back in new territory on the weight loss front after being derailed the weeks before.  But it's a lot harder not having the extra points to eat.

Well, off to do some leg lifts before bed.

The Surgery

Surgery was Monday.  After waiting an extra 2 hours, I don't remember anything from when the sedative was administered in pre-op.  The pain pump was a relief for the first 2 days.  That was pulled yesterday.  Today I'm feeling a lot more pain.  I have a pain in the back of my knee as well.  Hamstring???  I think it was aggravated trying to be careful with the knee.  It's been difficult trying to find a comfortable position.  At least I had a shower today.

I need to start moving a little more.  And I'm trying to stay OP as much as possible.  I really want to get back on track with the weight loss after being off plan for the last several weeks.

I got my shirt and bib for the Austin Race for the Cure today.  I knew that I wouldn't be able to walk, but it still hurt a little.  I also got the invitation to the Brunch afterwards.  That will be fun.  I enjoy being with the Taylors and Slays.

A bad thing about being at home is watching the daytime tv.  I have been watching the home and garden shows, but I have also been watching shows about adoption and having babies.  It makes me realize I do miss not having kids.  Hearing about Grant and Angela's success with getting matched with a new mother makes it seem so easy.  I know better and I know that I'm really too old to be thinking babies, but I still wonder what if...

Airshow

Today was a rough day. First being at the airshow and knowing that Daddy wasn't there was tough, then the Missing Man formation and finally watching a plane go into the ground this evening. That was totally surreal and just a horrible end to what had really been a pretty good day.

Sick of It

I'm sick of not being able to do anything.  My knee hurts so bad when I stand for any length of time and when I walk.  I'm missing out on a lot, especially out at the airshow where we are setting up.

I have gotten so many thoughts of sympathy about Daddy from airshow folks.  Right now, it's not really hit me that Daddy isn't there since he hasn't been there the last 3 years.  I think that if Missing Man is dedicated to Daddy, then it will be very hard to get through.  Mom is coming out to help.  I hope it helps her.

Surgery Scheduled

Surgery is scheduled for next Monday.  Let's get the show on the road.  I'm ready for all of this to be over.  I just hope that it goes well and that I can get back to exercising regularly.

Mom wants to take care of everything around the surgery and afterwards.  I hope that Mark is free to help out.

Another Day OP

OK, today was another day OP with just a couple of flex points.  We went to Zios for lunch and I had the vegetable lasagna and pushed off part of the cheese and noodles.  WooHoo!  Still eating too much bread.  But we had Subway for dinner which was well within points.

I did have trouble with the knee today.  We went shopping and I couldn't just stand very long.  I spent a lot of time doing my flamingo imitation, standing on my left leg only.  I'm ready for the pain to go away.  Tomorrow will be tough since we are ringing bells both services.  That will mean quite a bit of time on my feet.

Stayed OP Today

I've managed to stay OP today.  Yay!!!  I even had Mexican food at lunch, but had boiled shrimp instead of fried for dinner.  I need to work to get more vegetables in since most of my veggies for the day were salad.  At least I had salad.

I really need to keep in mind that this is a lifestyle change.  I can't keep wanting sweets and snacks and be able to lose and keep off the weight.

Joyce told me I was doing good tonight.  That was nice to hear - that people are noticing.  Linda told me today that everyone has told her I good I'm looking.  And I'm wearing the capris that ML gave me today.  They are size 18 - ladies, not women's size.  So today is my one step forward day.  I just hope that I've rounded the corner and back on track.  I don't expect a loss this next week with everything, but I hope the gain isn't too bad.

One Step Forward, One Step Back

I was able to spend 20 minutes on the stationary bike today. I didn't try for any more since I don't want to push my knee too hard. Of course, spending the next 1.5 hours at the Education Center sweeping and cleaning, then going to bells didn't make things feel very good. I'm ready to get this over with.

The News About My Knee

The news on my knee is not great, but it could be worse.  I have a torn medial meniscus, the cartilage between the femur and the tibia.  It will require surgery to clean up the tear.  Also, there is cartilage wear on the cartilage covering the femur, but I have had that problem before.  The doctor said that if there is acute damage, then he will harvest some of the tissue so that they can grow out a graft.  If it's chronic wear, there isn't much he can do.

The recovery period should be 4-6 weeks, and there may have to be some modifications to my fitness routine.  I hope not since I have really gotten into the walking.  I have been cleared for some light exercise such as the stationary bike.  That will help some.

I think this just about rules out doing the half marathon in January.  For that, I'm really bummed.  I was looking forward to achieving a new goal.  If I can't complete the Houston half, I hope that I will be ready for the RNR in Virginia Beach next Labor Day.

My Weight Loss

I started Weight Watchers on January 6, 2003 and have officially lost 70 pounds to date... my problem?  The last month I have lost my focus and I can't seem to find it again.  Why?  The death of my father and the inability to exercise due to my knee injury.  Plus, I'm getting to the point where I am cheating myself.  Help!!!

My father passed away from cancer on August 31, 2003... practically in my arms.  I was working to clean him up at the time.  He was aspirating fluid and dried blood at the time.  It was horrible.  Fortunately, he didn't suffer long.  In less than 12 hours from the time he started going downhill, he was gone.  We barely had time to call my sisters to come home.

My knee injury - I have been walking since I started WW.  When I started, I could barely walk a mile at about 2 mph.  I set as a personal goal to be able to walk a 5K - the Race for the Cure in Atlanta on May 14.  My sister is a cancer survivor and I wanted to do it in her honor, but mainly it was a goal for me to strive for.  We ended up turning it into a Team event, with both my sisters walking and family and friends joining us.  Once the Race was over, I needed another challenge.  A friend of Kathy's had done the half marathon in Houston in January.  I decided that if she could do it, so could I.  I started training in July.  I had worked the mileage up to 7 miles the day Daddy died.  Then I started having some pain in my knee.  It was thought to be a hamstring strain.  I did some PT, and I thought things were improving.  Then I did a 9 mile walk and towards the end of it, something in my knee snapped.  I had an MRI last Saturday and have an appointment with Dr. Kolstad, an orthopedic surgeon, tomorrow.  I haven't walked any sort of distance in 10 days.