Talking to ML last night scared me. The steroids have caused her breathing problems - she gets out of breath easily. She sounded really weak last night. The radiation has caused her blood counts to be really low. Because of the low white blood count, the doctor doesn't want her traveling. ML offered to have us for Christmas, but I could tell her heart wasn't really in it. I just kept having the feeling that this is a premonition of things to come soon.
We decided after much discussion between Mom, David, Kathy and myself that we wouldn't go to Atlanta after all. I'm really sorry that we won't see ML, David and Audrey, but I don't think we would have enjoyed our visit because ML would not have enjoyed our visit.
A good point - Glenn called Mom and invited us to Marble Falls for Christmas, so at least we have some place to go and celebrate with family and it won't just be Mom, Mark and I. So at least it will seem like a holiday, although it will not be a typical Christmas for us.
The other thing that scared me is the pain I had in my knee today. I could hardly walk this morning. It was as bad if not worse than right before my surgery. I finally was able to work through it by the time PT was over today, but we had to take it a little easy during PT. I'm really afraid that my knee isn't ever going to come completely back where I can walk without pain.
The strange thing is one of the engineers at work put out an e-mail encouraging more women to participate in the MS-150. I had been thinking about getting my bike out of storage and start riding some, but my bike was destroyed in a freak accident last weekend at the storage facility. So now I don't know - was the e-mail a sign that maybe I should start riding or was the fact my bike was destroyed a sign not to even think about it. I don't know. The stationary bike doesn't bother the knee nearly as much as walking, but I really don't know if the rest of my body can take it, especially the backside.
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